#screaming crying (existential this time)

[cellophane-wasp]

Realized I'm going to turn 20 in 2025 and I almost threw up. I genuinely don't remember most of those 20 years, I know I didn't do a whole lot after 2022. Memory is the current bane of my existence.

[fantasyoverreality98]

why do I always seems to have massive breakdowns at approximately 11:30 PM

[deus-ex-mona]

little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3

[real-life-cloud]

:(

[sodacowboy]

finished dungeon meshi

[soft4gguk]

to build a home | chapter thirteen

Pairing: Jungkook x reader. ceo!jk + dilf!jk x nanny!oc

Genre: strangers to lovers. angst. fluff. smut.

Word count: 9k

Warnings: angst. angst. angst. i’m so sorry. jealousy. self doubt. ira talks im sorry!!! but i felt like it was important. oblivious kookie :/ confused oc!! sad oc :( soori’s teething and it breaks my heart. oral (f receiving) 😈 

Author’s note:  hi besties!! another tbah sunday! i love being back soo much. this is an odd chapter, i feel. i sort of lost track of time and how much of it i actually had to finish so it’s a bit of a shorter one. it’s missing the final part, sort of. and it was making me anxious! because i wanted to post today. and then i remembered i make the rules so… chapter fourteen is coming no longer than wednesday!! it’s outlined and it’ll be what was missing in this chapter. we’re back to tbah sundays after that tho :)  i love u guys so much. do let me know what u think of this chappie, i love book clubbing with yall!! xoxo

This is a work of fiction. Please respect the members and their privacy. x

Chapter Thirteen 

When you get home that night, you smell like him. It alters your senses, your body nothing but a phantom touch of where he’d been. You look at yourself in the mirror and laugh at how obvious his mark is. He doesn’t just show on your smudged mascara or your messy hair, no. He’s all over your eyes. You can’t tell if the glint in them is from the remnants of the pleasure he made you feel or from the tears that threaten to fall. And perhaps that’s just what you need. To cry. Not with feminine rage music playing in the background, or in a burst of anger, but just to cry. To let yourself feel whatever it is your heart needs to. You can feel it, the way it screams at you and begs you to just let it be. 

So you let it. You shower, letting your tears get lost in the water that falls down your body. You cry when you let yourself release the feeling and you cry when you wash him off your body, his smell going down the drain alongside your anger. Now you’re just sad. 

You cry your skincare off and give up on it tonight. You brush your hair until you can’t stare at yourself in the mirror anymore, because it just makes you cry more. For some reason the reflection that stares back at you convinces you that this is why he doesn’t love you. You look like a little child, hopeless and helpless. Eyes puffy, bared faced, in your old pajamas with the faded print that once said, born to be cute. You’ve had them since you were fifteen and all of a sudden, your nostalgic attachment feels dumb. You feel dumb. And pathetic. And sad. Your brain is cruel, letting you know exactly what it thinks. How could he want to be with someone like this? Like you? It’s almost ironic how your words of hatred all originate from words of love. From the words of love he didn’t reciprocate. 

You think of Ira, because the streak of cruelty couldn’t just end there. You think of her beauty, of her face. You wonder if she ever felt like this about herself. If she ever stared at the mirror and didn’t feel like the reflection staring back at her was enough. You don’t want to be unfair towards her, but you doubt it. You doubt someone like her could ever walk into a room with uncertain steps and words that faltered. All you can see when you look at her is confidence and beauty. Her and Jungkook made sense together. It almost felt like a perfect trick from the universe – a power move. 

You get under your covers, exhausted and with the hints of a headache that threatens to settle aggressively if you kept the tears running. You hug the teddy bear you’d grown emotionally attached to when you were six. It makes you feel pathetic yet again, but it also brings comfort and so you pull it closer to you. You wonder if you’ll ever fully grow up. The heart ache turns into something bigger, something downright existential and it won’t stop. Even if you tell yourself that it’s irrational, that things just look bad right now but won’t be like this forever. The self doubt roots inside of you, growing branches that grow through your body. Will you ever become something out of who you are right now? Will you write a book, buy a house, travel the world, start a family? The last one breaks you with a nature that’s so acute it brings back the tears. 

You grab your phone, an intense desire to type Ira Sommersmith into the search bar. You find it kind of funny – to be comparing yourself to someone that you can literally google. When did you ever stand a chance with him, really? When did it ever make sense that he’d choose you? When did it occur to you that you were enough?

Ira was from a small town in Europe you couldn’t pronounce. When she was younger she spent most of her time riding horses, they were her biggest passion. She even says it in an interview after they ask her what she thinks she’d be doing if she wasn’t a model, pondering on it for a second before replying, “I’d be in a farm, riding horses all day.” And even though her hair is perfectly styled and she’s wearing very pointy stilettos, you believe her. Her dreams sound completely valid to you because amidst her sharp features, she has a soft face. 

Another article tells you she’d been scouted when she was sixteen. She’d been on holiday in London with her parents – she was an only child – and she’d gotten stopped in the street. In another interview where she talks about this, she laughs timidly when they ask her, her gaze down when she says, “they told me I was beautiful in the way things in important places where. Like magazines and billboards,” she softens the flattery by saying, “if you consider those things to be important, of course.” And it’s during that interview that you realize you can’t hate her. Not because you don’t want to, but because she makes it really hard to. 

She’d been on her own ever since – traveling the world, walking the most important catwalks in the most important cities, grazing the covers of every magazine and billboards, she’d even made a couple of movie appearances. You wonder how you could’ve missed her. She seemed to be everywhere. She sits on a makeup chair, two people behind her doing her hair at the same time, while someone else works on her face. She talks about having had a 4 am call time, sleeping very little the night before, being jet lagged and hungry. But she laughs as she says this. You almost laugh, too. The camera man asks her how she keeps up with the hecticness and she doesn’t sit on her words for even a second before she says, “I have a really great support system. My family, my friends. Also, I always keep a snack on me.” The video shows pictures of her, in different settings, with said family and friends. You actually recognize some of the faces – actresses, models, influencers. You pause the video in the middle of a particular frame when you see a face you recognize better than the others. It’s Kenny. It’s probably the picture that dates back the furthest, they both look so young. You type their names into another Google search and their friendship is revealed to you in an almost too perfect of a timeline. They’d been friends since they were eighteen after meeting backstage at a Chanel show. Your eyes widen. A Chanel show. Holy fuck. Who were you acquainted with? Kenny almost looks like a different person behind the camera, her eyes fierce and face cold. 

You scroll and scroll until something catches your eye. It’s a paparazzi picture, taken in a big city you don’t recognize. Hobi has his arm around Kenny and Ira and Jungkook hold hands and look into each other’s eyes as they strut down a sidewalk. It looks straight out of a catalog, or something. They’re perfect. Then it’s his name alongside hers that you’re typing into the search bar. You’re surprised to find that their relationship had been quite private, not a lot of information about it on the web besides the basics. Forbes talks about Ira being a model, Vogue talks about Jungkook being the heir to The West End Collection. The anonymity their relationship holds brings some sort of frenzy, though, as you read a couple of tweets and posts that idolize their relationship. Strangers wishing them the best, looking up to them, wishing they could have a boyfriend just like him. Another perfect paparazzi shoot of them at the beach, Jungkook picking Ira up from behind, mid-spin. She’s radiant as she laughs, body clad in a white bikini thar reveals her perfect body. There’s over 300 comments under the picture. Someone says, “if my girl looked like that I’d be in a good mood for the rest of my life.”

And you get it. You get it because she’s beautiful, and talented and easygoing. She’s confident but humble and when she speaks, you can see the way she thinks about the words before they leave her, making her sound so very eloquent. She’s gentle and dainty and her voice is soft. The more you scroll, the more you form these thoughts inside your head and then you find the perfect word to describe her: gracious. Elegant is a close second. 

Your eyes feel heavy and it’s nearly two a.m.. Your phone screen illuminates your face as another video plays. She’s being asked 73 questions. 

“What’s something you can’t live without?”

“My boyfriend.”

“So, you’re in love.”

She nods, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“He’s the love of my life.”

~

Your body aches with exhaustion, courtesy of your late night perusing. Your gaze gets lost on the fruit you’re cutting at a lethargic pace and you don’t even react when you lose grip on the knife and it comes dangerously close to cutting through your skin. 

Mrs. Chae walks over to you, but you don’t notice her proximity until she’s placing a coffee cup in front of you, her movements gentle, like she understands. When you look up at her and smile, she smiles back, briefly caressing your arm before she’s back to busying herself with her morning responsibilities. Her kindness makes you want to cry. 

You hear Soori’s cries long before she enters your line of vision, and when she finally does, she’s pouting and squinting her eyes before letting out another long wail. 

“Oh, my sweet baby,” you walk over to them, running your hands down her cheeks, wiping her tears away. She turns around, nuzzling her face between Jungkook’s neck. 

“She’s been in pain since she woke up. I gave her a bottle and some Tylenol but nothing helps.” Jungkook rocks her from side to side, hand coming to cup her little head to try and comfort her, but her cries only get louder. 

“It’s okay, the medicine will kick in soon and I’ll keep her as comfortable as I possibly can,” you reassure him, but he still looks miserable, guilt settling in the closer he gets to having to leave.

“I hate to leave her like this.”

“You’re not leaving her. You’ll be back home soon. It’s okay, Jungkook, she’s going through a totally normal process. As painful as it is for her, she’ll be fine.”

He nods and she seems to calm down, too, turning around as if following the sound of your voice. She stares at you for a second and you smile and even though she doesn’t reciprocate it, she falls into your arms the way she does every morning. 

“Hi, baby,” you kiss her chubby cheeks. “You’ll be alright. Say, I’m gonna be okay daddy!” It’s sweet music to your ears as you get a little chuckle out of her when you raise her little arm. 

Jungkook stares at her, lovingly. He stares at you lovingly, too, only you’re too busy being sad to notice. You can barely look into his eyes. 

“I’ll probably be late today again, w-”

“We’ll be here. And I’ll be with her. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you, ___.”

And all you can do is smile at him, only allowing yourself to stare into his eyes for a brief second, because any longer could break you further and he’d have no other choice than to know. Perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing – you’re smart enough to know that. But the side of you that can barely handle your feelings wonders how hard it’d be to share them, yet again, with him. Your heart, achey as ever reminds you that it was the shared feelings he couldn’t do anything about that land you right where you are now. 

You decide to be with your sadness, alone. 

~

Soori’s pain comes in waves. In the morning she’s fuzzy, then after breakfast she seems to be doing a little better. You two play in the garden and you let her get messy with watercolors. She’s distracted enough for all of two hours, which you deem a success in your book. She cries again as you put her down for her nap. She cries until she tires herself and you hold her through it all. When you try to put her down on her crib, she wakes up, tears threatening to leave her eyes again, and so you hold her and sit down on the rocking chair, letting her sleep on you. You let her sleep as much as she needs and when she wakes up, you have drool all over your shirt. You smile, knowing that’s a clear sign that it was a deep and successful nap.

She’s good during lunch time and then fuzzy again afterwards. She throws a block at you and you hate that you have to give her the gentle talk when she’s in such visible pain. But she’s good and she listens and when she nuzzles herself into your arms ten minutes later, you know it’s because she’s sorry. She’s so smart and it’s beginning to show in every aspect of her. 

You read her books, even as she cries halfway into the third, eventually falling asleep. You let her snooze in your arms once again, but try to keep the nap short so she can have a good night’s sleep. She’s a bit groggy and unhappy when you wake her up but she gets straight to playing afterwards. You make her a snack and it seems to be going well until she’s back to restless tears. It kind of reminds you of when you’d first met her, when you were certain about having obliterated your chances at getting to spend time with the “cute baby”. She cries and cries and yet all you can think of is how grateful you are that you got the job, by some odd chance and one hell of a lot of luck. 

You stare out into the garden as you rock her in your arms. Your exhaustion is starting to get the best of you and you’re relieved when she begins to calm down, her sobs turning into tiny sniffles and her head falling into your shoulder. You give her back soft, little pats as she relaxes in your hold. And right as you think she’s about to fall asleep, her head springs up and you hear her say,

“Dada!”

You turn around, surprised eyes on Jungkook as he makes his way inside the living room. He smiles at Soori, who jumps in your hold when he outstretches his arms in her direction as he greets her sweetly. 

“Hi, baby,” he takes her in his arms, lathering kisses all over her cheeks. She giggles and you smile in relief because it’s so good to see her so happy. “Daddy’s home! Did you miss me?” she claps her hands as if agreeing with him and he laughs, kissing all over her face.

“You’re home early,” you say, a small smile on your face as you take in the scene before you.

He takes a step forward, grabbing you by the waist and kissing you. It takes you by surprise but you let him. The kiss is deep but soft and it lasts longer than you’d expect. You feel his smile on your lips long before he pulls away. 

“We closed the deal,” he says. “It’s done. We did it.” 

You smile, hugging him to you. Your face to his chest and words muffled when you say, “congratulations.” 

Soori taps on your shoulder, whining as she gets smothered between the two of you, making you both laugh as you stare at her. She looks confused and pouty, can’t decide who she wants to entertain first. She smiles at you before she’s nuzzling her head against her father’s neck. Jungkook does a little jump and she shrieks in excitement, looking back at you and smiling again. 

“I want to celebrate,” he says.

“You should. I know how hard you’ve been working for this, it deserves a celebration.” 

“With you.” He pulls you closer once again. “And Soori. Us three. We can have dinner somewhere nice, what do you think?”

You ponder on his words, suddenly being hit with the exhaustion you’ve been carrying since the morning tenfold. You also think about the way your heart has been actively breaking since last night, and probably for the past two weeks. You look at his face, a big smile that makes him look young and carefree. In times like these you convince yourself that you see him like no one in the world can. 

“I don’t know, I-” you try, but the minute you see his smile drop, it’s impossible to keep up the cold front. “I don’t have anything fancy to wear.” you follow your lies with a smile. 

He kisses you again. “You don’t need to.”

“I’d have to go change though.”

“We can stop by your place,” he runs his hand through your hair. 

“Okay,” your voice is faint. Barely there.

“Great!” He turns to Soori, bouncing her in his arms. “I need to call Jin, run him through some final protocols. I’ll be twenty minutes tops and then we can go.” 

He says this in a hurry, making his way to his office already. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

He looks at you, confused. “Huh,” and then it hits him as Soori chuckles. “Oh! Shit. Yeah.” He laughs, passing her over to you. “I’ll be right back.”

He kisses her forehead, then yours. When he turns around Soori looks at you. You stare back and shrug, making her laugh. 

“He’s funny, huh,” you say, and she laughs even louder. “Yeah, he is. You have a good daddy.”

And as much as your heart exhausts itself at your words, it knows that much is true. It just can’t help but wonder if it’s enough. 

~

You stand before your closet, hands on your hips as you attempt to find something that’s presentable enough for the very fancy and certainly very expensive restaurant Jungkook had chosen. French cuisine, classic interiors and a seasonal menu. You knew it was almost impossible to get a reservation because Lucy had studied their M.O. in class and often praised their chefs. In Jungkook’s case, the reservation was one call away and probably all but three minutes to finalize. He’d told you he frequented the place quite often and that they had, and you quote, a soft spot for him. 

You skim through your dresses, skirts, shirts, all a little frantically as you look at the time. You don’t have much of it, but luckily you’d done your makeup first thing, darkening your eyes a bit to distract from the fact that you wouldn’t be able to pull a dress that impressed. Your hair was in an updo that looked like it’d taken longer to perfect but in reality, you’d gotten lucky and got it just right the first time. 

You’re in nothing but your underwear, as if the power of your sight alone could make fancy little dresses magically appear. You don’t know what to do, and so you call Lucy. 

“Hello, you,” she greets sweetly.

“Lucy, I don’t have anything to wear.”

“I’ve been well! How have you been, ___? Oh! I miss you, too.”

You laugh, playfully rolling your eyes. “I miss you more than you miss me, I can guarantee that much.”

“Never,” she says, “what’s this fashion emergency about?”

“Well, we’re going to La Mélodie and-”

“Woah?”

“Yeah,” you sigh.

“Date night, huh?”

You think about it. “Mm, something like that, sure. But I don’t know what to wear. I have nothing to wear!”

She goes silent for a second and you can hear her gears getting into motion. Finally she says,

“You do. But you’re not gonna like it. But you’re gonna have to hear me out.”

“Okay…”

“Do you remember that Halloween, well into your hoe era, that you wore that skimpy black dress and painted whiskers on your face and said you were a rat?”

You gasp. “I was a mouse.”

“Potatoe, potato.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No. I’m pretty sure I flashed like, three people that night. Involuntarily. Like, I actually had to apologize for it.”

“That’s to blame on tequila, not on the dress! It was a good dress. And I’m afraid it’s your only option so you better buddy up with it!”

“Great. I guess I’ll be the slutty nanny tonight.”

“That’s a great porn title, make good use of it!”

“Lucy. Soori will be joining us.”

“Why is the baby joining you? No offense to the baby. But why?”

“Long story. I’ll catch you up later. I love you. Thank you.”

She sends flying kisses to you before hanging up. It takes you a minute to commit to it, but you get the dress out, examining it top to bottom. Yep, still skimpy. But it’ll have to do. You throw it over your body and walk towards your mirror. The reflection that looks back at you looks nothing like the sad, puffy eyed girl from last night. No, you look hot. Yes, it’s a bit short, but Lucy was right, it’s nowhere near as bad as you remember. It hugs your ass perfectly, drawing over your curves and pushing your tits upwards the right amount. There’s not much to it, just a little black dress, but you certainly do bring it to life. You throw a pair of heels on, cursing them the moment you feel the way it arches your feet in an inhumane way, and brave yourself up for the night. 

When you leave your room, Jungkook’s jaw drops. It drops in such a visible manner that he has to collect himself and close his mouth before he makes a fool out of himself. It’s your face he fixates on first. He tries to wrap his brain around what it is that makes you look so different, yet still beautiful in the way he’s so very used to when it comes to you. It’s your eyes, he thinks. The dark eyeshadow you’ve smudged on them in such a subtle but notable way. It makes your eyes big and bright but they make your gaze fall a little bit, making him feel things in the pit of his stomach. Then his own eyes scan down, taking their time to take in your body. Your dress looks painted on and his breath hitches in his throat, letting him know it was gonna be a long night if this is what one minute of you in this dress was doing to him. But what resounds the loudest in his head is that, simply put, you looked beautiful, taking up the entire meaning of the word. 

“I’m ready,” you say, letting your arms awkwardly fall next to your body, giving him a tight lipped smile. 

Soori’s enthralled by an episode of Bluey that plays on your TV screen, and so Jungkook walks over to you, granting himself the luxury to simply perceive you and enjoy the view. He smiles, and though he doesn’t mean to, it’s seductive. It makes your tummy flutter, the ever so evident butterflies that never seem to leave. 

“Fuck dinner.” He stands in front of you, leaving you wide eyed and your mouth agape at his words.

“Language,” you say, looking over at Soori. 

“She doesn’t care about us right now, trust me,” he says, wrapping his arms around your waist and bringing you closer to him. “You,” his hand travels down your lower back, tempting to go lower but he stops himself, “look so beautiful.” 

“Thanks,” your words are soft as you smile at him, wrapping your hands around his neck, letting his attention warm you all over. 

One of his hands travels up, landing on your cheek, gently cupping the side of your face and you close your eyes, letting the weight of your head fall into it. His thumb brushes your skin and just as you’re about to wish for it, he puts his lips on yours. He hums against them, taking his time, tasting you, letting your smell hit his senses until all he can think about is you. His tongue parts your lips, deepening the kiss as he flushes his chest to yours. You can’t fight it. You can’t deny him, you can’t even remember why it is that you were trying to just a couple of seconds ago. In between kisses and touch, you submit to him. 

He pulls away, looking into your eyes before he says, “see? I don’t need dinner. That was a great entree.”

You laugh, playfully hitting his chest. “You do have a tongue on you, that’s for sure.”

Your words aren’t meant to come off the way they do. Your intentions are a play on words to let him know he was being witty to get his way, but alas, they have him raising his eyebrows at you, a smirk adorning his lips. 

“Oh,” is all he says. 

“No, I mean,” you stall on your words, mind already transfixed on the other truth to your statement. “Because that was clever. What you said,” you stutter, “you get me.”

“Sure,” he says, nodding his head and pouting his lips, making you laugh and roll your eyes. 

“Well, it should be a quick dinner,” he says, letting go of you. “I’m already half full.”

“See? That's what I meant with the- the tongue thing.”

He hums, taking one last look at you before walking over to Soori, her mouth open as she focuses on her show. “Don’t hate me, please,” he says, as he picks her up from the couch and turns the TV off. She cries and you laugh a little at the way he apologizes to her over and over again. 

“Aw, Soo Soo,” you coo at her, and when she sees you, she throws herself into your arms, hiding between your neck as soft whines leave her mouth in expert crocodile tears. 

Jungkook chuckles at the scene before him, but in a matter of seconds the image hits him like a ton of bricks. The way you hold her, beautiful as ever as you fix the skirt of her blue dress, fingers brushing through her hair, careful not to ruin the pigtails and bows you’d carefully perfected as you got her ready. 

It’s picture perfect, he thinks. A sight he could get used to. 

~

“Welcome back to La Mélodie, Mr Jeon,” a sweet voice trapped in a 6 foot, long legged, blonde haired body greets you at the entrance. Her voice is so sweet, in fact, that you see where the soft spot he was talking about comes from. 

“Hi, Lily,” he says. “Thank you for getting us in such short notice.”

Lily.

“It’s my pleasure, Jungkook.”

Jungkook?

She smiles at Soori, who looks at her with a blank stare before she’s nuzzling her face on her dad’s chest. She then smiles at you and it takes everything in you to return the gesture so politely. Inside, you’re rolling your eyes and probably pulling a face as you imitate the way she says Jungkook emphasis on the J. 

“This way,” she says, walking towards the center of the restaurant as she guides you to your table. You don’t miss the way she swings her hips as she walks, turning around ever so swiftly as she lets her long, blonde hair fall over her shoulder. 

You feel insane. No, really. Jealousy is such an odd feeling. A foreign one, too. You’d never been a jealous person before – to be quite honest, it wasn’t because you were overly confident or uninterested. It was simply because you didn’t notice. You didn’t notice if someone was a “threat” or had bad intentions. Or perhaps deep down, you never truly cared. Oftentimes, it was Lucy that had to alert you on these things, pointing out how it was right there, under your nose! But you failed to see it every time. Not anymore, though. It’s clear as day and it stands right in front of you wearing very dark red lipstick. 

You can feel Lily’s eyes on you as Jungkook opens the chair for you, and she disguises her vitriol with a smile as you sit down. He puts Soori in her high chair and finally sits down himself. He smiles at her, thanking her again and she winks at him. Yes, winks. Your mouth drops, quite literally. Her action is so bold it’s almost admirable in your eyes. You wonder if you could ever be such a go-getter, even if it made you vicious. 

He shifts uncomfortably on his seat, looking up at you and not missing the shock that laces your face. He wonders if he should say something, but before he can come up with anything of substance, the waiter is by the table. 

“Mr. Jeon,” he bows his head politely, “and Miss…” 

You stare at him in confusion, opting for giving him your name. 

“___.”

“Miss ___,” he says, and you smile. You don’t see this, but Jungkook smiles in endearment, hand in a fist over his mouth as he covers his chuckle with a cough. 

As the waiter recites the magic behind their seasonal menu, the main ingredients they’re using this month, and today’s specialties, Jungkook looks around him. He recognizes a couple of faces and doesn’t miss the way their eyes take in the scene, dancing from him to you, and then Soori, in confusion. It suddenly dawns on him that you don’t quite look like the nanny tonight. Not that he owes any of these people an explanation, or that he cares about what they think, or what they’ll say. He’s very much past that, and has never lingered too much on it, anyway. But the more their faces turn from shock to plain confusion, the more he realizes that it’s only been a couple of months – three, to be exact – since Ira left. He wishes he didn’t, but he understands the shocked expressions. He understands why they must be thinking what they must be thinking. 

His eyes land on you, fixating on the way you gently nod as you smile to the waiter, listening to him intently. The sight of you alone makes him think, to hell with what they think. The waiter says he’ll give you a minute to look over the menu, and Jungkook orders a bottle of his favorite white wine. He’d go for red on nights like these, but he knows you prefer light, sweet flavors and so he caters to you, without you even knowing. 

“Are you happy,” you ask, a smile on your face as your eyes meet his.

“Very much.”

“You know, I know I said it yesterday, before our little… altercation,” he smiles, remembering the acts that took place in his kitchen. “But it’s all quite unreal to me. And I truly am in awe of… you.”

“I’m in awe of you.” There’s no hesitation in his words.

You shy. “Stop.”

“Why?”

“This night is about you. To celebrate you.”

“Exactly,” he says, “so let me do as I please.”

“Okay,” is all you say, because his soft demeanor and flattery are going straight to your head, looking past your heart that still breaks. 

“On that topic,” he begins, crossing his hands over the table, “I want to head to our beach house this weekend.”

What is it with rich people and beach houses? Do they all have one?

“That sounds nice… you can rest and relax. Recover from the week and all.”

“Yeah. I want everyone to come,” he refers to his friends. “Jin and Seulgi already confirmed.”

 “That sounds wonderful, Kook.” You’re kind of grateful he’s going to be away this weekend, so you don’t have to make up excuses to avoid him and you can bed rot in peace. 

“Yeah. I’m excited. I wanna go sailing and we can grill every night,” he says.

“Hm,” you nod, smiling. You think of all the TV shows you’ve been wanting to start, pondering over the list to pick a winner. 

“We leave Saturday morning.” 

“Great!” You think of pizza and brownie fudge Ben & Jerry's.

“And don’t worry, we’re not taking the plane.”

You laugh. And then you get it. 

“Huh?”

He’s equally as confused. “What?”

“The plane?”

“Yeah. You were kinda scared the last time. Plus, it’s only two hours by car.”

“I’m going?”

“Uh- yeah? I mean- I know book club is on summer break for the next three weeks so I thought- but if you’re busy or something,” he doesn’t know what to say anymore so he just lets his last words linger. 

“Oh,” I mean, you are his nanny. Isn’t it expected for you to go to these things? Just like you did the last time. He’s about to say something else, but you interrupt him, “sure.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

He smiles as he nods at you, but it’s an uncertain smile. Like he doesn’t quite know what just happened. Soori calls you guys’ attention when she slams her plushie against the table, giggling as she plays, letting her imagination take over. Jungkook runs his hand over her head.

“I’m excited to spend time with her. I’ve missed her this week.”

“She missed you, too. It’s gonna be good for the two of you to spend time together.”

“I’m excited to spend time with-”

“Would you like to taste the wine, Mr Jeon?”

With you, is what Jungkook was going to say, before the waiter interrupted. Not that he’s to blame. If anything, Jungkook is. 

“Yes, thank you.”

The wine is good. Excellent, even. Like nothing you’ve tasted before. It’s sweet and fruity, but very light. You’re very much used to cheap liqueur and even cheaper wine, so getting to jump to the other side and try the other extremes is nice for a change. The whole night pans out like that – pleasant and delicious. The food, the wine, the dessert. You talk, swoon over Soori. At one point you ask something that makes Jungkook dive into a more elaborate explanation of what his job consists of. You let him speak, mostly because you’re interested, partly because you’re too exhausted to say anything of substance yourself. 

Lily brings over the bill, and you can hear the clinking of her heels from a mile away. She smiles as she walks over to the table, even before Jungkook acknowledges her. She’s ready to pounce. 

“How was everything?”

“Delicious as always, please do congratulate the chef for me.”

“I’m sure he’d love to hear it from you. Don’t you wanna stop by the kitchen before you head out?”

Gasp. She is so bold. God, does she fear nothing?

Jungkook laughs, awkwardly, as he signs the check. “I’m afraid we have to get going, this little one’s past bedtime.”

“Aw,” she says, and it’s not directed at Soori, no. It’s disappointment that’s so evident in her voice. “But it was so fun the last time.”

Last time, you almost say. Quite frankly, for a second you think the words have left you, because both their eyes are on you. Lily’s are laced with twisted pride, and Jungkook’s are apologetic. 

“Thank you, again, Lily,” is all he says. 

“My pleasure, Jungkook.” She bats her eyelashes at him, a saccharine smile she throws his way before she’s turning around and making her grand exit.

You stare at Jungkook, watching as he reaches for his glass of water, taking a big sip, gulping loudly. 

“What happened the last time that was so fun?”

“Nothing,” he says, bringing the glass back to the table a little sternly. “I know the chef. He’s helped me recruit a couple of chefs for The West End. That’s all.”

“Ah,” is all you say. 

“I don’t know what that was about. She wasn’t even- I mean, she was there, but it was mostly him and I speaking. She’s his niece.”

“I see.”

“Baby,” he says, nearly whines. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, I’m just tired. I’m probably just irritable because of that,” you mask your jealousy with a chuckle.

Jungkook reaches across the table, wrapping his hand around yours. You wince a little, looking around you, feeling slightly exposed. 

“Hey,” he says. “Look at me.”

“Yes.”

He laughs at your sudden nervousness. “Stay with me tonight?”

“But Mrs Chae-”

“I gave her the day off. I’m going late into the office tomorrow. We can sleep in a little bit. I want you to stay. Please?”

Your heart begs you to at least think about it for a second. A split second, even! But the efforts are unsuccessful, and you don’t hesitate when you say,

“Okay.”

~

Jungkook’s shower is your favorite place in the world. 

Well, perhaps that’s a bit dramatic. 

Or perhaps it’s completely understandable, all things considered. You remember when there was a time you didn’t believe in shower sex. Not because you didn’t think it was real, but because you couldn’t believe people actually enjoyed it. There was nothing to enjoy about it, in your humble opinion. And humble it was, because these four walls can testify about the way you became a woman of faith the moment you experienced what you liked to call premium shower sex. 

You let the water cascade from your head down your body, relaxing your muscles as the massage jets hit just where you need them the most. Jungkook was putting Soori to bed and he’d suggested you take a shower in the meantime. And so here you were, contemplating. You think of staying here, waiting until he’s back, letting him get in the shower with you. Letting him do whatever he wants to you, really. That’s the truth of it all. 

But you don’t. You don’t because you try to be reasonable. Sex won’t solve this, if last night is to tell. And boy, was it loud and clear. So you get out, enjoying a couple extra minutes running his warm, fluffy towels over your body, brushing your hair, doing your skincare with his fancy products and spending way too much time, yet again, picking a shirt to sleep in. You opt for a simple Calvin Klein tee, pleased at the softness. 

When he makes his way to the room, you’re already in bed, Sense and Sensibility in hand as you read. He stops, taking you in before you can see him. He thanks the universe for making his dreams from last weekend come true. You smile at him, eyes following his steps as he comes to your side of the bed, planting a kiss on your forehead. 

“I’m gonna shower, won’t be too long.”

“Enjoy,” you say. 

He turns around, about to make his way to the bathroom but before he can get far enough he’s turning back, walking towards you again. You look up, stars on your eyes is what Jungkook can swear he sees. 

“Thank you for staying. And for coming to dinner. That,” he pauses and you hear the hint of nervousness that takes on his tone of voice, “was good. I mean, that meant a lot to me, is what I’m trying to say.”

“Of course, Kook.”

He kisses you. It’s short and sweet, leaves you craving more as your lips feel his absence right away. 

The minute he’s out of sight, your heart sends a question shooting straight at your brain. It’s aggressive and angry. 

What are you doing?

Its simplicity holds deception. The simple answer would keep the whole thing contextual: he wants you to be here, he asked you to be here. You celebrated an important night with him and now you’re in his bed because isn’t that what you do? The last words get your heart going, beating faster with complexity. It says, no! It is not what you do. Or perhaps it’s what you do with your boyfriend, which he is not, by the way. Your own cruel words make you wince. Your heart opts for a softer approach, simply reminding you that you’re not doing yourself any favors. That playing house with the person that has made you question pretty much everything about both life and love in the past couple of weeks isn’t the best way to make sound decisions. That with every kiss you’re reminded of why you love him, and with every kiss he reminds you that perhaps to him, it’s just a kiss. A kiss that holds affection, sure. But not a kiss that holds love. Your incessant thinking makes you wonder if what you ask for isn’t too much. You wonder if it makes sense to want him to love you the way you did him. You couldn't ask that of him, at the end of the day. You couldn’t ask that of anyone. 

Sense and Sensibility is long forgotten, your brain too loud to make sense of the words you read. You turn to your side, cozying up against the pillows. You try to close your eyes but every time you do the images that play in your head are somewhat crazier than your thoughts. You toss and turn and simply opt for keeping a soft gaze towards the ceiling, focusing on your breath and trying to remember what Lucy’s meditation tapes you can sometimes hear in the mornings say. 

“You okay,” you hear Jungkook ask before you can see him. He chuckles at the sight of you. 

He walks closer to the bed, one towel wrapped very low around his hips as he runs another through his hair, drying it. Little droplets falling over his body, making it glisten. You let yourself stare at him because the sight alone leaves you slightly speechless. You’re not proud of it, but another part of your body pitches in on your heart’s debate and says, this is why. 

“Yeah,” you finally muster the words, “can’t sleep that’s all.”

”Mm, yeah. That happens to me when I’m really tired sometimes. Bit weird, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, makes no sense.”

“It’s okay, just try to relax, baby.” His knee hits the mattress, hair towel discarded to the side as he makes his way to you. 

“Y-yeah, I’m trying,” your eyes follow his every move as he gets closer. 

His hands rest at your knees before he says, “I like this on you, by the way,” eyes zeroing in on his shirt.

“It’s comfy,” you say, eyes closing at the feel of his fingers gently roaming down your legs. 

“Keep it, baby.”

“No, I like it on you more.”

He laughs. “It’s okay, I have plenty.”

He opens your legs, inching closer before he lets himself gently fall on top of you. Your fingers thread through his wet hair, pushing it back. 

“I’m having the best night ever,” he says, playful eyes on yours as you both laugh. 

“You must be easy to please,” you say.

“Depends on who’s doing the pleasing,” he watches the way your gaze flutters before your eyes close at the anticipation of his lips on yours. And when he finally kisses you, you both sigh, falling into it. It’s slow, just allowing your lips to lazily move against one another’s. You run your fingers through his hair, nails softly running down his scalp and it makes him groan in satisfaction. You push your body further down into the mattress, letting your legs fall open as Jungkook settles better between them. A moan escapes your lips as the motion has him pressing his cock into you. 

“Kook, I’m really tired, I don’t think I’ll handle it.”

He shakes his head, kissing you again. He doesn’t pull away as he says, “no. I want to make you feel good, baby. You don’t have to do anything.” He looks at you, eyes closing in pleasure when he pushes his hips against yours. “Please?”

You nod, a little caught in the feeling. “Okay.”

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

“Jungkook,” you say, turning your face away from him in a timidness that he finds so endearing. 

“Don’t ask me to stop saying it because I won’t,” he says, fingers finding your chin and turning your face to him again. He pecks your lips before he says, “fucking gorgeous.” You laugh, and he likes the sound of it and so he feathers kisses all over your face, down your neck where he knows it tickles, rejoicing on the way you giggle as you try to push him away. It’s hard for Jungkook to choose between the sweet sound of your laughter, or the way you moan when the last kiss he places against your neck ends with a tiny suckle. 

“Can I taste you, baby?” His voice is deep, right on your ear, sending goosebumps down your spine.

“Please,” and he loves the airiness the word has on your mouth. 

His kisses on your neck grow deeper, enticed by your moans and the way you pull at his hair, soft and hard. His mouth begins to travel down, letting his hands roam all over your body at a leisurely pace. He loves it when he can go slow, take his time, make pit stops on the parts of your body he loves the most. He loves your lips, and so he kisses them, snaking a hand down your shirt and cupping at your tits, drawing circles on your nipple with his thumb, making you squirm. You feel him smirk against your lips, always getting a little cocky at how well he can pull at your strings until pleasure is the only thing you can think of. 

He pushes the soft material of your shirt away, lips kissing down your chest until they’re closing around your nipple. A throaty moan leaves you and you circle your hips, making Jungkook hiss as his cock jumps from the contact alone. But he doesn’t want to focus on his immediate pleasure, no. He wants tonight to be about you. He wants to take his time with you – make you feel so good your body has no choice but to sleep the overwhelm off. 

His tongue plays with your nipple, in an ever so slow pace that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He lets his free hand touch all over your body, down your waist, squeezing your hips, nails scraping slightly at your thigh. He looks up at you, eyes meeting your hazy ones as he sucks on your nipple, biting gently when your fingers get tangled in his dark locks. He moves his hand closer to where you need him the most, tentative little touches that have you clenching in mere anticipation. 

“No teasing,” you warn.

“No fun,” he says, pouting before he’s biting your nipple again. 

But Jungkook just wants to make you feel good. He wants to give you what you want, he wants to hear you and feel you, and the thought of his tongue on your heat has him nearly salivating. And so he complies. You sigh when he presses his middle and ring finger against your clothed clit, tiny little circles that have you leaking in no time. He feels it, fingers dampening against the cotton of your underwear as his mouth kisses down your torso, leaving a wet trail on your tummy that makes you feel electric the moment he pulls away. His fingers hook inside the side of your panties, his touch soft. Too soft. 

“Take them off,” you say, no edge to your voice.

He does just that, pulling away for a second to roll the tiny fabric off your legs before he’s back on his tummy, between your legs, one of his own bent slightly as he gets comfortable. You find it so lewd – the way he enjoys this. The way he enjoys it when his eyes zero in on your cunt, glistening for him. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” and his eyes never leave, following his index finger as it parts your slit. A low, controlled moan leaves his lips when he sees how wet you make his finger, how you leak for him. The tip touches at your clit, making you gasp before you’re letting out a moan. “And so sensitive, baby.” 

You’re a bit delirious but you manage to look at him as you nod, your voice so shaky when you say, “I need you- it’s been a while since I’ve had your mouth.”

His thumb circles your clit. “You’ll get my mouth, baby. But I just wanna see you for a little longer, ‘kay?” You nod again. “Prettiest fucking pussy.”

You’re about to shy away from his words but he wastes no time, pushing a finger inside of you, making you groan as your head hits the pillow. He tests the water, feels how tight you get around him, thumb still working your clit as he pushes a second one in. He pays attention to your moans, the jerk of your hips, his eyes never leaving you as you roll your lips between your teeth, arm hovering over your head before you’re hiding underneath it. 

“Look at me, ___.”

You do, eyes threatening to close as he picks up his pace, hitting that spot inside of you continuously, expertly matching your breath with each push and pull. 

“Fuck, I’m so close already,” you whine, closing your eyes for a second.

“Want my tongue, baby?”

“Fuck, Jungkook, please,” you plead, gasping when his index and middle finger press on your g-spot, tiny little movements against it. “Please.”

“I will, baby. God, how can I not?” His lips close around your clit, making you moan in sweet satisfaction. “You ask so nicely- fuck, ___, you taste so good, baby.” 

Jungkook is growing delirious, too, struggling to keep his own pleasure at bay, hips rutting against the mattress as he places little rhythmic suckles against your clit. You look down at him, eyes meeting his and he smiles. It’s dirty, bordering on obscene, but you love it. You love how much he loves making you feel good. 

“Like that, Kook,” you whisper, “shit, don’t stop.”

His tongue parts your folds, teasing your hole before he’s lapping at your pussy, spitting on it before his ministrations are back on your clit, sucking, licking, circling. You’re so wet, and so close, you can’t quite make out his actions. All you know is the white, warm feeling that takes over your body, making you a little lightheaded. His fingers push inside of you once again, making you clench around them, mouth parting in shock and pleasure. 

Jungkook hums against your pussy, eyes closing at the feel of you. “You’re so close, baby. Want me to make you cum?”

And the question alone could do it for you – in fact, you have to take a second to concentrate on not letting go. There’s something so fucking divine about him knowing exactly where he’s got you at. You nod, one airy, “please,” and that’s all he needs to finish you off. His fingers don’t go faster, but they go harder. His tongue focuses on your clit, silky flesh lapping determinedly at your nub, sucking on it when your legs begin to shake. 

“Oh, fuck- Jungkook,” you cum with his name on your tongue, letting out a little cry when you feel him moan against your pussy at the sound of his name. It’s too much, the way your muscles contract and then release, but you can’t get enough of it. “Don’t stop, Kook, please.”

He doesn’t. He milks you with his fingers, feeling the way you leak down his wrists, making a mess out of his mouth as you pull at his hair, nails digging on his scalp. You cum on his tongue, and you come down on it, too, letting yourself fall into him so quickly that the over-sensitivity has you pushing his head away with shaky hands. 

“Oh my fucking God.” You drop your head to the pillow behind you, hands covering your eyes as you try to regain your breath. Jungkook just stares at you, head resting on your inner thigh, smiling and drunk on you. He feathers one single kiss on the soft skin of your leg, and your body jumps a little, making him let out a boyish chuckle that makes your heart beat steadfast. You laugh, too. 

You let a couple of minutes linger on, the two of you sharing the same pillow, just laying in bed. You take a while to come back to your body and when you finally do, the exhaustion takes over. 

“Come here,” you tell him, and he obliges, body flushed on top of yours once again. Your hand travels down, feeling how hard he is. He hisses, his own hand closing around yours before he’s shaking his head. “Why? You’re so hard.”

“You’re tired. I just wanted to make you feel good. I’m okay, baby. More than okay, actually.”

“But,” you say, confusion lacing your words.

“Tomorrow. You need rest. I think I’ve succeeded at making you sleepy,” he laughs.

“Fuck, you really did.”

He lays back next to you, a sigh passing his lips before his head turns, meeting your eyes. 

“You know, you were right,” he says.

“What about?”

His smirk gives him away before his words can.

“I do have quite a tongue on me.”

~

★taglist★

@roro-in-utopia @yiyi4657 @littlrmills14-blog @namjooningelsewhere@drownforryou @iwanttohitmyself @finelinememories @yukiehyukie@shatzkrinslinzki @bts-fic-recs-mess @kokoandkookie @subtlepjiminie@hobipost @kookiesbreaky @di0rgguk @bloopkook @babyrosieareroses@kookiecrumb @casspirit0705 @eclectictacozinewobbler @tickledpink55@rjsmochii @dimcorner @miniiimee @vintageroses10 @amyniu @tessxblxckthorn@emotionaltrashcansblog @fangirl125reader @laurynne5 @thickgrinch@dianaxnyc @ruinsofangels @berryonasummerevening @taeslarityy@hisunshiine @preciouschiminie @ruclements @galaxyflab @jalexad@missseoulite @bangtannoonalvg @kootonins @lustremyg @kissme-ornot@92thk @everythingaboutfangirling @cakecobain @callmejimmeo @simp4tae@landl7xoxo @jungjoonie @sanfransolomitatm @khadeeeeej @mar-lo-pap @nanjeonlangakook

[weepingtalecowboy]

The fierce , the short and the bad cosplay

Fanfic prompt:

Honestly triforce heroes fierce deity might actually be a deity

Because it can shoot beams and everything and is found in the den of trials

It is a genuine quest to get it not an easy to access skin that simply looks cool

So despite the toon style making it look cutesy and stuff that is in fact a deity lol

I just like to believe that Legend stays the size he was as a hylian ... short

The fierce deity and the short deity lol

And the cosplayer who has a high quality cosplay and just awkwardly stands next to them both

But like I like to believe that the fierce deity in triforce heroes is a version that Legend actually has full control over

Not because it is weaker but because he proved himself to it and then decided to mentally beat the shit out off it till he had full control over it

Which is why he can use it next to a bunch of people and in tournaments

He simply teabagged it into submission

Time trying to intimidate the chain with the fierce deity : “this is dangerous *yapping* what destroyed the demon *more yapping* blah blah … not going to use it lol

Legend : “oh, you mean that one “

Then Time watched in horror as legend did a sailor moon transformation *the way you casually change entire outfits in triforce heroes*

Legend : “yeah , it’s pathetic I know … but the beam is cool”

Time proceeded to lag and watch in fear as Legend just kept casually talking to people and stuff

Time after he stopped lagging: “Legend WTF how did you even get it”

Legend : “… broke into its house … you know the usual”

Time: “WTF man , how…,?’?!!…. Why !?!?… have you fought a god or something”

Legend *having an oracle of ages and seasons flashback* : “nah, that was five hundred years ago when I fought oni x,…on-ax ,… fire dude who possessed din and Nayru took control over the concept of time and tried to destroy the whole world… I had fun controlling time and also changing the seasons … good times”

Time : *screaming , crying, throwing hands up in the air*

The chain witnessed the exchange in concern

Time meanwhile was contemplating his existence and having a little something called an existential crisis

Time then proceeds to think that legend is the fierce deity

Because what the hell does … FIVE FUCKNG CENTURIES mean in this concept… he is meant to be the hero of time

Not ‘HIM’ … he is the hero of time ,… not the fucking hero of legends

What the hell is Legend…

THE FUCKING GODDESS OF TIME

Is that why he wears a dress

Because he surly can’t travel back in time 5 centuries… how did legend even do that

HOW…!?,.!!.!?

[howlingday]

Jaune Arc Cannot Be Happy

Jaune: Pyrrha! What's happening?!

Pyrrha: (Fading into embers) I didn't want to believe it, but it's true! I'm a clone, Jaune!

Jaune: What?! B-But how?!

Pyrrha: There's no time to explain. I don't have much time left.

Jaune: No! No, no, no! This can't be real! This can't be happening!

Pyrrha: Don't be sad, Jaune... Who would want a fire clone as a wife anyways?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: That wouldn't be the worst thing actually.

Pyrrha: Jaune-

Jaune: Honestly, I think I could manage that.

Pyrrha: What- What are you saying right now?

Jaune: I'm saying that I'll take what I can get. Like, fire clone? Sure. Fuck it.

Pyrrha: But I'm not even the real Pyrrha Nikos! The woman you love!

Jaune: Look, if I can get past the obvious molecular differences and incompatibility of our states of matter, then I can get over something as small as the philosophical debate of identity.

Pyrrha: ...

Pyrrha: This isn't a side of you I'm used to.

Jaune: Well, neither am I with you drifting into embers. Speaking of which, does it hurt?

Pyrrha: Not really, no. It actually feels kind of nice once you get past the whole existential dread of the end of my life.

Jaune: Right.

Pyrrha: Face it, Jaune; I'm not going to be around for much longer. I'll just be ash in a matter of seconds. Let's not fight anymore. I want my final moments to be spent thinking about us-

Jaune: Wait, hang on a sec. I think I saw some kindling over there.

Pyrrha: JAUNE! COME ON!

Jaune: No, no! Seriously! It would probably take less than a minute!

Pyrrha: No! No! Stop it! You can't seriously be thinking about tossing kindling on me?!

Jaune: Hah... You're right...

Jaune: ...Maybe if I use a block of wood instead?

Pyrrha: JAUNE!

Jaune: Gosh, I'm so sorry, Pyrrha, it's just... I've been trying to get us together for years. And I've seen the other universes. Some have you leaving me for another guy, some where you and I break up, and there's even one where Salem breaks us up!

Pyrrha: Salem?!

Jaune: Yeah, we've already done this bit- But seriously! Look at this! Jaune Arc finally gets his happy ending! He gets the girl! And she fucking BLOWS AWAY?! FUCKING! BLOWN! AWAY?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THE WORLD HAS IT OUT FOR ME! AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY?!

Pyrrha: Jaune... Look... I know this is hard... Actually, no, there's no good way of putting it. Your life is shit.

Jaune: Thank you.

Pyrrha: I mean, I'd cry right now, but all it would do is just make my death come a lot faster.

Jaune: I-I appreciate the gesture.

Pyrrha: NGH!

Jaune: Pyrrha?!

Pyrrha: This... This is it, Jaune... I'm dying... Or maybe... I was... never alive... Where do you draw the line? Consciousness or- ARGH!

Jaune: Just hold on, Pyrrha!

Pyrrha: You'll find happiness someday, Jaune... She's out there... Somewhere... Or at least there's a competent writer. One of the two.

Jaune: I'll always love you...

Pyrrha: ...

Pyrrha: You're handling this really well.

Jaune: Loved one dying right in front of me because I'm too weak to stop it otherwise. Just another day ending in Y.

Pyrrha: Oh, and before I forget, you'll have to change back the insurance. (Disintegrates)

Jaune: (Screams in Roman Torchwick)

[brain-rot-central]

Sins of the Father

A/N: Basically a short little drabble focusing on vulnerability issues. Anger issues. Self-indulgence. I'll let you guys decide which Astarion this is and if it's Tav/Durge.

Pairing: Astarion x Reader (gender-neutral) Words: 607 Warnings: hair grabbing, physical abuse, threats of violence, angst, emotional incompetence, unhealthy relationship, A has (surrogate) daddy issues, boy ain't ok, angst angst angst, i-went-to-the-family-reunion-and-all-i-got-was-shitty-generational-trauma

The hand in your hair tightens and whips your head back with a quick jerk. A man stands before you, looking down to meet your widened gaze. Distain is written clearly across his face. His eyes flare red hot; molten lava threatening to erupt through his rapidly crumbling resolve. “I could kill you, you know,” he spits through clenched teeth.

The corners of your lips turn upward in a coy smile. “I know,” you answer, “you've told me before.”

His chest rises and falls rapidly now, frustration mounting. “And yet you still test me? Does my darling have a death wish?” He cocks his head to the side in question.

You huff out a laugh and he grips your hair tighter, pulling your head back further. He's baring your neck to him. “You wouldn't harm me.” Your eyes flit closed as you feel the cool puffs of his breath against your throat. The warm spice of his cologne assaults your senses. A rippling flush of warmth rushes through you. “You never do.”

The vampire groans low in his throat. You can't see it, but you know his fangs are out. Poised above your pulse-point as he wrestles with his willpower. Every instinct he has screams at him to sup, to drink of you until he's had his fill and then some. Until your body grows cold, lifeless in his lap. Until he's destroyed you. 

All for the simple crime of seeing him.

For loving him.

In an instant, he retracts. The hand slips from your hair and you feel his presence removed from yours. You open your eyes to find him standing before you, chest heaving, lips drawn into a tight line. “I told you you're no monster,” you say softly to him.

Slowly, he raises his hands above waist level, bending at the elbows. He turns over his palms multiple times. You can't help but notice how terribly his hands tremble. “But I want to,” he admits quietly, continuing to inspect his hands. “I… want to. So badly.”

“To me, or yourself?”

The question leaves your mouth before you have a moment to consider. A slight panic begins building within you, but it's quickly extinguished as a ragged cry breaks free from the vampire elf’s throat.

He sinks to the ground, jamming the palms of his hands into his eye sockets. Another yell, this one more existential than the last. You kneel next to him and place a comforting arm around his shoulder. He takes this as an invitation to melt into you, and you adjust to accommodate his presence.

“You are not your past,” you tell him, soothingly combing a hand through unruly silver locks. “You are not him.” He tucks his head further into your chest, body quaking as the dam finally breaks.

Clinging together, you sit on the ground, holding him as he screams. The sounds are muffled, as they always are. But you stay, because you know that these moments are breakthroughs. Shedding more of the skin to his past. 

When he resurfaces, he'll need you. As he always does, with desperate fervor. The need to be accepted. That this new form hasn't dissuaded you, that you still want him.

Once more, you'll open your arms, part your legs, and bare your soul to him. You'll rock gently with him until his skin grows back over, culminating in one final climax.

For now, you'll stay on the floor, where he needs you. Down here, with him, as he navigates the depths of his despair. And you’ll gladly do this over, and over. As many times necessary, until the sun itself melts.

[writinandcrying]

Do you guys ever think about the fact that the tmnt turtles fav comic would probably be X-men?

That they would finally feel seen, heard, to have someone understand how others treats them the way they look, the way they simply are

“If someone wrote this, it’s because they know what’s like to be judged, there are good people who will accept us, right?” Mikey thinks out loud hopefully

But Leo and Raph cannot be so optimistic as their little brother, they can only focus on how once they were the ones that once starved in the sewers back then, that had to deal with screaming fits and profanities if they decided to look for food on top side, how they wished to play at the playground near the layer, to visit central park for once during daylight and feel the sun, to listen ti the birds, to have friends, to truly exist.

How lucky they were for master Splinter, how he didn’t abandon them.

They wish someone once saw them as “little boys, But no one did. No human did.

Leo has to step back into reading those comics, that alone drove him and his brothers away further. It’s already hard enough to see how humans treat “outsiders” within themselves. Racism, xenophobia, homophobia transphobia, ableism. If humans can’t accept their own kind, how and why would they ever accept them?

Donnie doesn’t outright say it, but he shares the same kind of thoughts as his older brother, he doesn’t indulge this passion for a while either, he already has enough crisis to deal with his own, an existential one due to s simple comic isn’t on his agenda

Raph on the other hand, consumes like his life depends on it

For the first time, someone understands it. For the first time. He can cry it out for the life he wasn’t blessed to have. For the first time, someone revenged his and his brothers kind. The rage some characters felt It fueled something he was scared of, there was days he wanted justice, he wanted for humans to feel what he feels

He’s scared of those feelings, with X-men, he can let go of it for a while

Mikey HATES panels like those tho lmao, he hates embracing this “gloomy side” of being a mutant, of realizing that some mutants are just. Mutants. No one was meant to be chained at their families basement, no one was meant to be abandoned by their parents and left in the cold

Do you know what kind of panels he likes?

The ones that shows how kind mutants can be

How they can help out, how generous, gentle, and sweet mutants are, the ones that show how they are truly like

He knows some people out there would accept him,accept them. He can feel it. he just have to look real close, and who knows, maybe they will be able to ride at the coolest skateboard park near by! Or try out those gelato stores near the Brooklyn subway, or finally try a croissant, a fresh bagel! or or- Play freesbie with someone’s dog that took a liking in him at the park, brunches at soho, thrift shopping, going to concerts, just… existing at time square, finally having a midnight kiss as the ball drops in New Year’s Eve

No more screams, only smiles when someone meets his eyes

Who knows, right?

Also not to call Mikey out or anything but

all Xmen are hot send tweet

[hecatialapis-lazuli]

i feel like I've talked about this before but I wish blazblue dipped more into the horror of the situation. Whether you wanna go cosmic or existential both kind of work, though I guess the theme is a bit more despair than horror? Those two feel like they marry together pretty well.

Like. Think of CS. You have Noel, becoming what she always was, something inhuman. Literally screaming and crying after having the truth of the world and the PFDs revealed to her. You have Ragna, also learning the truth, and that he has tried so, so many times and failed every single time. You have Terumi, relishing in the hopelessness that should cause, yet being just as stuck as everyone else, and painfully aware that if he wants out of this hell, he has to claw his way out.

Idk, I just think there's a lot of stuff in blazblue that lends really well to horror. There's already themes about loss of autonomy, just play a little more into that, emphasize the helplessness before the Master Unit, and then the satisfaction of finally being free.

Hell, the Master Unit/Origin still is sympathetic in this interpretation. She's suffering, she's not doing anything out of malice, she just wants to be a person. Not even the Origin is immune to the horror of being a thing, strung up to watch and desperately try for another ending this time. This time, it'll work.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

s/o has been.... distant... recently. hanging out with a certain friend. whether it be dry/slow text, being more figetty, being more nervouse, or ignoring some text. one day the friend was over, and s/o was in their room. after a bit of interrigation from the skellie, the friend finally tells the truth.... s/o is planning on proposing, and is a nervous wreck.

Undertale Sans - .... OH. Well, he's so relieved. He got so anxious for several days that his S/O tried to hide something big from him but didn't trust him enough to talk, which bothered him a lot. Well, that makes sense now. He promises he won't tell anyone he knows.

Undertale Papyrus - He gasps, then puts his two hands on their mouth. HUSH. He doesn't want to know more. The only problem with this is that he's now very excited and can barely contain himself in front of S/O, who figures in like ten minutes he knows somehow.

Underswap Sans - He was expecting a lot of things but certainly not that. Blue is speechless. He will ask S/O's friend to repeat this again at least three or four times, just to be sure. Well shit. How the hell is he supposed to live knowing this now? S/O can feel he's weird and they're confused.

Underswap Papyrus - Oh god, thanks to tell him, he thought S/O was sick or something! He's so relieved! ... Wait a second. WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN S/O IS PLANNING ON PROPOSING HIM?! HE'S NOT READY! Honey starts to hyperventilate in panic and passes out in S/O's friend's arms to calm himself lol.

Underfell Sans - He's not convinced. That's bullshit, why would anyone want to propose him? He's a jerk and a nightmare to live with, that's ridiculous. However, his body language says overwise. Red is slowly but surely panicking, trying to stay in denial to protect himself from having to deal with his own feelings. He needs to talk to his brother about this. Like, right now! He stands up and leaves the room in a hurry. He'll be fine. Probably.

Underfell Papyrus - What?! Unacceptable! He's preparing HIS proposal for WEEKS now. There's no way he's letting his S/O propose to him first. You know what? He's going to propose right now! He can't believe this nonsense!

Horrortale Sans - Oh, ok. Well, good thing he's going to forget in 10 minutes. He wants to be surprised. At least he can write in his notebook to not freak out because S/O is just preparing a surprise, not dying. That's a relief. He's a lot less stressed when S/O comes home, that's a nice change.

Horrortale Papyrus - "KLCJOEOEHJISOJHDKOPJC????!!!!?" You broke Willow. He lost the ability to talk as he is freaking out in shock and crying, having no control over his emotions anymore. And you expect him to keep this a secret? HOW?! He can't keep this a secret! He wants to scream and cry every time S/O is meeting his eye sockets! Don't you understand he's going to die? S/O better has to propose fast now. Your friend messed up big lol. Willow can't wait, he's going to ruin the surprise.

Swapfell Sans - He stays speechless. He never expected that and that's quite a shock because he usually knows everything. He's shocked and unsure about all of this. This is quite terrifying if he has to be perfectly honest. He won't show anything to S/O, because he doesn't want to ruin their surprise, but he will have an existential crisis for a few days lol.

Swapfell Papyrus - That's all? Why the hell are you scared then? You know he's an idiot and that he will say yes even if you propose to him with an onion ring, right? He'll make sure his S/O knows that by covering the house with onion rings. Nox has a mental breakdown when he comes home.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Well, duh, he knew that already. Is that all? S/O is quite obvious in the way they keep looking at him. He thought there was something more? He's disappointed. S/O's friend screams at them for being disappointed. What the hell is this supposed to mean? He's offended your friend is screaming at him.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He screams. Just... Screams. Uncontrollably. He's having a panic attack, and he's not sure if he's going to survive ten more minutes right now. He's panicking, and crushing S/O's friend in a hug because he needs moral support right now. He's not gonna keep the secret lol. You can tell the second you're home and the way he runs to hide under the couch in utter panic that he knows.

[noroi1000]

Honored One Shot no.14 - @satosuguswife

„Pictures”

Hurt and comfort Warnings: fake blood, mentioned nsfw

When you entered the house, you saw Satoru lying on the floor with the left part of his forehead red. His cheek, the corners of his mouth, his throat. Everything was painted red.

His shirt was also soiled, and his uniform jacket was unbuttoned. Clothes a bit tattered. A pool of blood around.

And next to the wall sat Suguru whose face was tilted down. His typical loose clothes were also soiled. One sleeve of his white traditional dress lay on the floor as his left hand held his shoulder. Hair in disarray.

You felt the cold flow through your body... As you drop your bag on the floor, you heard faint sounds.

And suddenly you saw and heard Satoru laughing out loud and wallowing in 'blood'. Suguru also joined him and his arm appeared, showing that he doesn't have a severed arm at all.

They both laughed and suddenly looked at you.

And then their laughter died down. Because they saw big tears running down your face as you looked at them.

Their expressions stopped and you suddenly kicked your bag at Satoru, watching him catch it.

"(y/n)...!" Suguru called after you, reaching out to you with his hand but he didn't manage to stop you.

Wiping away your tears, you ran to your room slamming the door.

These are supposed to be grown men?! They may be almost 20 years old, but that doesn't change the fact that they are idiots!

You lay down on the bed and cried.

How could they do this to you? It was not funny! You thought something had happened to them! You thought someone had attacked them! And here it turns out that it was just their stupid joke?!

You'd take it more as a joke if you caught them fucking on the kitchen table! Or if they did something else! But that's not cool!

What they did is not cool at all...

You've been afraid of losing them so many times. Especially Suguru who had an existential crisis for a while. But now everything was fine, so why did they want to fool you and show that they are dead.

"Baby, can we come in?!"

You heard Satoru's voice outside the door.

"...Fuck off!" You groaned as you turned your head away from the pillow you were lying on.

"Baby..."

"Get away from me! You're so stupid!"

"(y/n), we can talk?"

Suguru opened the door slightly, peeking inside to see you lying on your stomach on the bed and crying into your pillow.

"What do you want think?! You think it was funny?! You're probably fucked up and crazy! Fucking idiots!"

"It was supposed to be a joke... A little revenge for scaring us earlier..." Whitehaired one muttered.

"This is not funny!" You screamed as you watched your boys wipe their faces off of the fake blood. "I never meant to scare you!"

"And that blood on your clothes in the washing machine?"

"I got my period, you idiot! We've been together since second year at school and you still can't remember when i get my period!"

"Baby..."

Suguru's hand was placed on your back and he picked you up, placing you on his lap.

You hugged him crying.

Satoru sat next to you, put his head on Suguru's shoulder and pulled you up to hold on to him as well.

"We didn't know you'd react like that... Sorry..." he muttered, rubbing your thigh.

How could you have reacted differently? They pretended they died! You used to be afraid of them all the time because they are sorcerers...

And now they're doing this to you... You were afraid that you would lose one of them... And when you were afraid that they might leave, it turns out that they made a joke of it?

"You look prettier when you smile than when you cry. Like when you blush."

You looked up at Satoru's blue eyes as he stared at you intently but just as calmly.

"When you look at us with love and not something like that. We didn't want to do this to you. Sorry. It won't happen again."

He leaned in to kiss your cheek. You let him, feeling his soft lips against yours.

You gave him your lips, allowing him to kiss you. So he pressed his lips against yours.

"So Suguru wouldn't be jealous..." he murmured with a smile and reached over to his boyfriend's face, pulling him in for a kiss.

And then you kissed the dark haired boy softly.

"Show you something?" He took his phone out of his pocket and opened the flap.

And then he showed that you were his wallpaper.

You're used to him wanting a model in a swimsuit or something in the beginning.

And now he has you and Suguru as he stands shirtless next to you. His shirt is on your body. naked thighs. Why? Because Satoru took this picture naked in bed.

"This photo is beautiful. But I'd like to see your smiling face with hearts in your eyes. When your mouth is open when you moan."

You changed suddenly and he clenched his hands on Suguru's clothes.

"Satoru, do you think it's a good idea to talk about it now?"

"I'll have a picture of her fucked up face next to yours. And you'll have a picture of her fucked up face and mine. Matching wallpapers!"

"And she?"

"She will have a picture of my face when you fuck me and your face will be next to mine!"

"I don't know if that's a good idea now."

"Honey, can I make you feel better?" He purred in your ear, licking your neck.

You can't be angry with them for long. Because they hold your heart.

"Do it..." you murmured as you snuggled into Suguru's chest and felt their fingers begin to touch you.

It's supposed to be humorous? Yes.

Because he's looking for the perfect shot for photos. His photos are crazy. Remember how he used to sneak pictures of you at school when you were in your room or in the shower so you could go back to his room and do things everyone knows...

That's why he likes taking pictures like this.

And if they want you to forgive them, let them. Maybe thanks to this you will forget that the whole floor in the house is smeared with fake blood...

Just as it was supposed to be. For Suguru, a picture of you lying under Satoru with a red face and small tears. Your face contorted in pleasure. And next to your face is the face of Satoru whose cheeks are red and his eyes are rolling backwards.

For Satoru, your same face when you lie with your back on Suguru's chest. And next to the dark-haired man's smile.

For you (even though you didn't want this wallpaper on your phone), a picture of their faces as Suguru dominated Satoru. Satoru blushing with little tears in his eyes?

At least you'd prefer these photos to photos of them in fake blood.

[incandesang]

i wrote an (incomplete) list of everything wrong with lestat de lioncourt. take this knowing it is a work in progress.

- mommy issues

- daddy issues

- 18th century aristocrat

- religion hops like trisha paytas (thank u anne. i will not become catholic u will not defeat me)

- french

- was a misogynist until the 20th century

- wanted to be a priest

- theatre kid

- cries to get attention

- won’t shut the fuck up about the fact he killed a whole pack of wolves when he was in his teens. that was 200 years ago please try to accomplish something else cool

- his accent is fake. he just puts on a parisian french accent. he’s from the fucking sticks he did not speak parisian french until he was 19 and then only lived in paris for like 2 years max. his accent is FAKE.

- doesn’t stick to his own morals and then makes excuses abt it

- once ate an old lady and had a crisis so bad that he almost died

- canonically op bc anne wanted him to be her mary sue babygirl

- blond cis man

- SERIOUS self esteem issues that he has to get everyone involved with

- has an existential crisis that nearly kills him at least once a decade

- rock star outfits weren’t slutty enough (thanks ANNE.)

- hasn’t had a sense of identity since 1780!!

- too committed to the bit actually

- absolutely fucking delusional (so i can fuck whoever i want 🤨 of COURSE 🤡 of course. 😤of course. 😨as long as you come home to me 😃 of COURSE 🥲)

- got murdered by a five year old at one point

- sees any hot miserable guy and thinks that’s his soulmate INSTANTLY

- had two glasses of wine on a date and then proceeded to scream cry about the inevitable heat death of the universe

- doesn’t know what a fork is???

- canonically into public humiliation and degradation. u cannot bully lestat at all it will just turn him on

- drank the blood of christ

- went down on his girlfriend on her period (hysterically crying the whole time he did it) while his friends watched (she didn’t orgasm. he was having too much of a crisis to actually give her a good time)

- ate a used pad.

- i JuSt LoVe BeiNg caLLeD A sLuT i DoN’t KnOw whY i JuSt dO

- set louis’ house on fire (all these people do is burn each other’s shit please just talk like adults)

- has no hobbies other than ‘get into dumb trouble’

- dated the world’s first terf

- is, according to the world’s first terf, a culmination of everything that is wrong with men

- described his dick with ‘priapus at a gate’ when he wanted to subtly brag abt how big his dick was. right after being told he was the culmination of everything wrong with men

- was confused when human dicks weren’t always erect (are vampires ALWAYS hard?? if anne wasn’t dead i’d ask her but alas)

[skyddish]

a list of foxes i would invite to the sesh andddd who i think would crash out

((that nobody asked for))

No! — Andrew, Neil, Nicky, Matt, and Renee

Invited— Aaron, Kevin, Allison, Dan, and Seth

Aaron - absolutely invited. no questions asked: he's invited. he rlly wouldn't attend for various reasons, but i think he'd consider it once i told him Andrew wasn't allowed to come

Andrew - Hell No. lmao. I don't think he'd smoke weed in any timeline, but i'm not taking any chances. he'd have a bad reaction but not mention it. mellow demeanor, but his internal monologue would be SCREAMING bro. I love andrew as much as everyone else, but i Don't need him harshing the vibes. nobody would b able to relax . andd on that note—

Neil - HELL NO! HAHA! EVEN LESS INVITED THAN ANDREW LOL i feel like i don't need to elaborate, but getting stoned would make neil much worse. CRASH! OUT!

Kevin - surprisingly yes. i think he could handle the existential thoughts, and it might even sort him out . <3 the conversations with him would be stellar, especially because of his interest in history. We would not talk about exy.

Nicky - Nah . He's fun other times but I wouldn't want to talk to him. he'd give ME a weed induced panic attack . NO.

Allison - FUCK YEAH 100% . huge bonus because she knows what she's doing and i wouldn't need to trip sit or b worried about making sure she's having a good time . she'd be perfectly fine

Renee - guaranteed crash out. if she DID smoke, i'd keep an eye on her because she seems the type to cry, but i wouldn't mind tbh —she's allowed to show up (cmon i'm not gonna disinvite renee) but she would not have a good time lol

Dan: yes. Captain privileges plussss she'd also be making sure everyone was having a good time . i'd NEED HER in my corner . as a bonus i think she'd be hilarious lmfao dan's a great time

Matt: no... um. I don't rlly i have any good reason why he's not coming, but i don't like his energy. 1v1 would be fine, him and Nicky combo would also be fine , but any more people than that would ruin my life i fear. no. not allowed.

Seth: mhmm—hesitant yes. funny asf guy when he's not being insufferably mean spirited . he'd show up if he had nothing better to do, and then act like he was too cool for us (ok.) then only talk to dan and allison . i wouldn't worry too much abt him and kevin

[cheemscakecat]

Friendly reminder that Ford used the truth teeth once and made the mailman cry.

Remember how Dipper, Mabel and Stan were just chillin watching TV when he dropped that existential line for no reason?

I think the truth teeth force you to spill your thoughts too, not just answers to other people’s questions. Like, Stan was thinking existentially as usual and didn’t mean to say that out loud, but he couldn’t help it.

Ford can be very judgmental, but as much as he sasses Stanley, he usually keeps those thoughts internal until he can vent them in his journal.

Example:

You can tell Ford is taken aback by Dipper

The first time. But then he screams/interrupts again.

He’s like actually annoyed oh no-

But his initial journal entry on Dipper is so judgmental sounding.

There’s a reason why Ford writes his thoughts instead of saying them to the person’s face. And I’m glad he didn’t comment on Dipper and make him feel bad.

But respectfully keep this journal entry far, far away from that poor baby, his heart cannot take it.

Stanford Pines is the type of person that needs to read his journal entries out loud [in private] so he can actually hear how arrogant he sounds talking about other people.

He is the last person who should ever put on the teeth that make you spill your thoughts, much less go into town with them on. Ain’t no telling what he actually said to the mailman, but it couldn't have been good. Maybe that’s the real reason people in town didn’t like him.

Most likely the son or grandson of the person Ford insulted.

It’s a small town and people know/care about the mailman. Even if we were being generous and pretended like Ford didn’t insult more townsfolk, they’d still dislike him for how he talked to their friend.

Also he 100% said something snarky to the cop giving him a speeding ticket and got a worse fine for it. 💀💀💀